Sorry is the Hardest Word
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: Snippets into a relationship that ultimately has to end. Warnings posted at the beginning. Rated M


**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

 **Warnings Mentions of Domestic Abuse/Slash pairing/Pure Angst**

 **Written for Beat the Boss Challenge**

 **Prompt: Draco/Neville**

He tries to see past all these years of bullying and Draco being Bellatrix nephew, but in the end, it's too big to ignore.

It slowly eats away at his soul and the part of him that likes the new Draco maybe even loves him is poisoned by it.

He tells himself the first time it was an accident. He hadn't meant to hit Draco, but he's lying to himself.

Draco forgives him after weeks of begging and promising him that it will never happen again.

It's a promise he means to keep, but years of tainted history makes it impossible.

* * *

The second time he hurts Draco is no less shocking to either of them than the first. Draco doesn't fight back, doesn't even attempt to reach for his wand.

For a few blissful moments, after he sees the blood and the face already beginning to bruise, he feels better with the rage out of his system.

That is until guilt consumes him. It burns through his body like acid, and there's nothing he can say or do to make it go away.

He expects Draco to leave him, but he doesn't. Once again he promises it will never happen again, and Draco tells him it's his last chance next time he's gone.

They both know the each other is lying.

* * *

Things are great between them for months until they go to Hermione and Ron's wedding. The whole day Draco was either bickering with a Weasley or arguing with Harry.

He spent the day knocking back drink after drink to deal with the fact his friends hated his boyfriend, and his boyfriend hated his friends.

When they get home, Draco accuses him of never sticking up for him or taking his side. It's true he doesn't, but it's all takes to set him off.

Before Draco can duck or move out the way in any way, he punches him in the face.

This time, Draco hits back. So he hits back harder.

In the morning once the alcohol has worn off and remorse sets in they ignore what happened the night before.

No promises of never again or promises to leave.

Both somehow and somewhere down the line have learned to accept this part of their relationship.

It's unhealthy and dangerous.

He ignores it because he doesn't want to lose Draco. Draco accepts because he wants to atone for his past in some way.

* * *

Narcissa Malfoy is the first to know about him hitting Draco. She begs Draco almost daily to end things with him.

He doesn't blame her for trying. Draco stays whether it's out of love or guilt for the past.

He asks himself if it even matters anymore why Draco stays.

It's Hermione who finds out next about him hurting Draco. The look of disgust, shock, understanding, and pity in her eyes hurts more than the looks of hatred from Narcissa Malfoy.

She pleads with him to end things and get help before things get worse.

He's almost tempted to listen to his oldest friend, but he doesn't.

Like Draco, he's not sure if he's staying out of love or because of the past.

* * *

The last time he raises his hand to Draco it's because of the most stupid thing. It's over an insult from their first year at Hogwarts.

He only means to hit him once or twice, but once he gets going he can't stop himself. It's like every bit rage he's ever felt was being released.

When he snaps out of it Draco injuries are so bad he has to seek outside help or risk letting Draco die.

Like a coward, he didn't stick around to see if Draco was going to be okay. He couldn't bear the looks of disgust.

He hears it from Hermione that Draco is going to be alright in the sense his injuries would heal.

He's out when Narcissa comes to collect Draco's stuff. He almost wishes he hadn't been because he's sure that she would have liked nothing more than to make him feel Draco's pain.

* * *

Most of his friends no longer want to know him and he understands why. Hermione visits every now and then to make sure he's still alive.

He knows Ron hates her visiting him.

He wishes she would stop because she's a reminder of he used to be before Draco. It's a painful reminder of how low he's sunk.

He barely goes out anymore. He gets drunk and tries to write to Draco.

Not to beg him to come back because any chance of that we'll and truly gone, but to apologize.

He doesn't want Draco to forgive him. He doesn't deserve Draco's forgiveness.

He just wants to say to sorry, but the words never come out right.

He wonders when he became the person who would hurt anyone. When did he become like Bellatrix or Rodolphus Lestrange?

He hated them so much that he became like them. His toxic hatred had poisoned every area of his life.

* * *

He hears it from Hermione that Draco has met someone new. A Muggle-born and they're very good together.

He would like to be happy because Draco's happy, but he isn't.

He's alone and miserable, not that he doesn't he deserves to be, but he wishes that things had worked out differently.

He still can't find the words to write to say sorry, and maybe now it's late. Maybe sorry wouldn't matter a jot to Draco in his new happiness.

The only constant companion he has now is guilt and regret.

* * *

 **AN: I know I took one of the nicest characters and turned them horrible. I do actually love Neville so yeah I don't know I why I bad him the bad one instead of Draco.**


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